You say no. You say no every day. How often do you really say yes? Think about it. We get up, drive to work, say yes to the boss, say yes to working late, say yes to being the room mom, say yes to soccer, say yes to the big Christmas list, say yes to everything but to ourselves. I spend time every day inviting people to join me in a health and fitness challenge group. Talking to people and getting them to open up about their goals is not easy. It requires a relationship and trust. The reasons why people tell me no can be transferred to why people would say no to any new opportunity. Tell me if you agree.
Why do we say no?
Fear is a biggie. Fear of the unknown. Fear of failure. Fear of rejection. Fear of getting hurt. The best way to push through fear is by taking action. Fear cannot survive in a positive environment. Fear cannot survive in love. Fear cannot survive while you are taking action. The anticipation of things usually hurts more than actually taking action.
2) Lack of education.
I don’t mean college education. I mean that you are not educated in the subject to which you are saying no. I deal with this in fitness coaching. People think they know about the programs or the products because they saw a commercial or because they know a guy who used to use the products. They say NO because of some past experience and it wasn’t a full experience. Before you tell someone “I’m going to pass” or “I don’t think it is for me” take the time to ask questions and see what it really is. This opportunity is knocking on your door for a reason. Listen. Really listen.
3) Negative self talk.
You’ve said no for so long that you don’t believe in yourself. You’ve tried other things before and failed so you don’t want to try again. Your track record of failure seems longer than your track record of success.
Download some personal development. Go to Audible, Amazon, the library, youtube or the local book store. Get plugged into self development. Shift the way you think. Years of living with a negative person. Years of working in a negative environment. Years of thinking it can’t be changed. It can! It begins with YOU. You can say yes. You can say yes to your life. You can say yes to that next opportunity. You do have the power to change things but continuing to say no and talk negatively to yourself will not change things.
4) No relationship or trust.
You wouldn’t wire money to a person you didn’t know on a website that was known for being unsecure and selling personal information. You do not trust that company or website. You wouldn’t say yes to your child sleeping over at a person’s home you didn’t know well or felt uneasy about. There is a flip side to this too. You will never meet new people if you don’t build a relationship. Staying at home saying no is not the way to protect yourself from failure. Growing and pushing yourself out of your comfort zone will only help you build relationships and possibly trust. After a period of time you can decide of that person or group is trustworthy and deserving of your time.
5) Time/Money/Not a priority
Time or money isn’t really a reason people say no but they use it. I feel that time and money fall into lack of education or fear. It also means to me that whatever the offer it is NOT a priority to them or they would make more of an effort. You’ve heard the saying “You either find a way or find an excuse.” It is true. If you are using time or money as your excuse not to try something then you should evaluate your priorities. I’m not talking a $6,000 trip to the Bahamas or something large. I’m talking about something smaller. Something that would have a major impact in your life but you don’t do it because you say you are too busy or you don’t have the money. If money/time is your reason to say no when you want to say yes I have to ask you this “what are you doing to change it?” My life example is about working out and putting my health at the top of my list. We lived paycheck to paycheck for a long time. I told my friend I didn’t want to be a coach or buy a monthly shake because I didn’t have time and I didn’t have it in my budget. However, I found the time and money to eat in restaurants, buy myself shoes, sign my kid up for soccer and throw birthday parties, run in races, have a smart phone, watch Survivor and many other shows and more. Whatever you want to do is either a priority on your list or it isn’t. Get real with yourself.
Why do you say no when you really do want to say yes? You want to go to Vegas. You want to go to the holiday party. You want to get those shoes. You want to get a new job. You want to take that trip.
What are you doing to change things so you can say yes when you want to say yes?